Narky, posh Scots tennis whopper, Andrew Murray is apparently asking his fans what sort of haircut he should go for. Apparently, Murray hasn't had his swede cut for a year, making him look like a member of the Socialist Workers Party whenever he turns up for a match. I'd suggest he goes for a tufty boy band mullet so we can laugh at him even more, but the tight get has only given his "fans" four choices; short at the back and messy on top, number four skin, long but "thinned" or keeping it as it is. My advice: ask for a Buster Bloodvessel baldy job and couple it with a Fila headband and yellow Y-Fronts.

Tennis: a boss game played by clueless spoilt brats with mad hair, too much money and pushy parents who live their tedious existence through the pursuits of their objectionable offspring.

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