Bloke and Coke’s best bands in the ’09

MC Enormous and the Prophets of Pies
Think you know old-skool hip-hop? Think again. Straight out of somewhere so rural it doesn’t have any sort of bus service or sewage system, “En” has dedicated his life to recreating the 1980s. Obviously not the real ’80s of epidemic-level unemployment, mass heroin addiction and mulleted maniacs glassing each other in fun pubs, but an idealised version with Duran Duran and the A-Team making music together and people going to work on Texas Instruments calculators.
Stand-out track: I Pity the Fool (Who Spots My Privileged Background)
Key lyric: “One to the two, I’m the illest sixth former, let me have a stroke of your pink legwarmer” (Betamax in Puffball Skirt)

Three girls, one giant super-ego and six horrendous parents living out their fantasies through the non-talent of their despicable progeny. That’s Bananarumba. After meeting on the set of Emu’s World for the Txt Gnrtn, Daisy, Marie-Jo and La Boheme decided to form their own girl group, “totally for the next century”. Thanks to their sickening proximity to the Brits School, the trio soon wowed their peers with their grime-step rendition of I’m Putting on the Top Hat. “It was like, so wicked, but watch this space,” said La Boheme in some predictable appropriation of ghetto-speak that has filtered through to them via 1Xtra. This summer they tour, in the vain – and utterly laughable – hope they will achieve a fraction of the stardom of Girls Aloud or Shampoo.
Stand-out track: I Luv U, But Don’t Like Your H8r Girlfren’!
Key lyric: “We been seeing each other, but you ain’t made a move, stick on the boombox and enter my groove” (Face-Buck)

The Six Thousand Douchebags
Forget Arcade Fire, this is the real deal. Or it would be if we weren’t so wowed by their to-die-for uniforms. Designed by New York fashion guru Keyguard Lock-Removalle, each jacket plays a single note of Psycho Killer when you tie up the top button. The result is a cacophony of total, unadulterated toss. Click here to listen to their exclusive 6Music session.
Stand-out track: Dazed, Confused and Desperate For Some Sort of Non-Addictive Heroin Substitute Which if You Were Caught With Wouldn’t Mean You Went To Jail
Key lyric: “You love it, when I sing, when I love, when I gather leaves and grow a stupid beard like some inbred redneck from my home town – the very same home town I disowned when I got my pad in Williamsburg” (Not Me, I’m Urban)


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